Today’s news:

Dating safeguards and political bullstats

Just when you think you’ve heard it all, along comes a scam that you haven’t. In Motor City, Michigan, a lovely young lady was asked out to dinner by young Mr. Handsome. Since Mr. H does not own a car our pretty princess consented to picking him up on a corner near where she resides. They made their way to a wonderful restaurant and enjoyed a bottle of red with their romantic dinner. When the check arrived Mr. H was dreadfully embarrassed. “I left my wallet in your car. May I please borrow the keys? I’ll be right back.”

Not only did he not return, he made off with her car. She paid the check and the boys in blue are still looking for her white Camry.

Ladies -There’s a lesson to be learned here and I’m sure you know what it is.

And while we’re giving lessons to unsuspecting females, here’s one I insist you teach your 22 year old kid sister. All twenty somethings love to frequent clubs with the hopes of meeting Mr. Right. I know that ordering a Bud Light is not very feminine while a white wine spritzer is, but she’ll be a lot safer by ordering a beer, any beer, in a long neck bottle. Unless she is totally distracted there is no way that the slimebucket hitting on her will be able to slip the date rape drug into her drink.


Many of our reps in Washington were afraid to face their constituents in person. Instead of hosting Town Hall meetings they invited us to Town Hall telephone conference calls. WOW. Aren’t they courageous? I know that after those phony baloney “meetings” they came up with phony baloney statistics to back up their views. Are we to believe them? Look at that word “believe”. Look at the 3 letters in the middle of ‘believe’. That’s what they will hand us. BS stats and one great big lie. These Bullstats are coming from elected officials who vote for mega-Billion dollar legislation without reading the bills. Do not believe that BS these chicken-caca reps hand us.


Everybody knows that when a group of employees want to elevate their profession and receive higher wages, one of the first things to be done is a change of name. Teachers are now educators. Druggists are now pharmacists. Writers are now journalists, authors and a few other titles that my editor, fine gentleman that he is, would never permit me to use in this column. Yesterday, while shopping at Target I saw something brand new in euphemisms. Instead of the word “security”, the man in the blue uniform wore a shoulder patch with the words “Assets Protection.”

“What does YOUR daddy do for a living?”

“He’s in Assets Protection.”

“My that sounds impressive.”


Former Governor Eliot Spitzer is now teaching a poly-sci course at City College.He works 3 hours a week and is being paid 98 bucks an hour.He shelled out two grand an hour for the gal he was making whoopee with. I am wondering how she declared that on her income tax. She should have checked with ACORN.

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