Today’s news:

She’s clocked in DUMBO

84th Precinct

Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown

Sleeper hold

A creep choked a woman and stole her purse as she left DUMBO’s subway station on Oct. 9.

The victim she had left York Street and was at Plymouth Street and Anchorage Place at around 6:45 pm when her attacker sneaked up from behind and wrapped his hands around her neck. The 34-year-old woman then passed out, and awoke missing two credit cards, $16, and a cellphone.

Smith showdown

A pair of brigands roughed up a man and woman on Smith Street and stole their pills on Sept. 28.

The victims said they were between Pacific and Dean streets at around 3 pm when their attackers approached and tried to snatch their belongings. The woman resisted, but one of the thugs punched her in the face and pulled her hair, screaming, “Faggot, let it go! Let it go!”

Meanwhile, the male victim tried to fight back, and he was punched, choked and thrown to the ground. The perps then took off with the woman’s bag, which contained a cellphone, $40, and an assortment of Xanax, Lexapro, and Eoxepin.

Threat down

Two thugs threatened to stab and shoot a guy on Bergen Street on Oct. 6.

The victim told cops he was between Third and Fourth avenues at around 2 am when the pair of punks approached and said, “Give us your phone and wallet or we will shoot you and stab you!” The victim complied and handed over a cellphone and an assortment of IDs and credit cards.

Gunpoint

Two jerks stole a college student’s iPhone at gunpoint on Henry Street on Oct. 6.

The victim told cops that he had left his dorm room near Clark Street at around 7:15 pm when the pair approached. One of them flashed the gun and said, “Give us the iPhone or else we’ll shoot you.” The victim complied.

Dorm thief

A bandit broke into a dorm room on Henry Street and stole a student’s laptop on Oct. 4.

The 22-year-old kid told cops he had last seen his computer in his dorm near Clark Street at around 8:30 am. When he returned from work about 11 hours later, it was gone.

Dei–fried

A thief swiped a woman’s stuff while she reveled at Atlantic Avenue’s hot Club Deity on Sept. 30.

The partying lady said she had hung her bag on her chair at the club between Hoyt and Bond streets at around 11:30 pm. The next morning at around 8 am, she realized that her purse was missing an assortment of IDs and credit cards and a silver bracelet.

Courtroom caper

A thief swiped an attorney’s wallet while he waited in court on Oct. 5.

The victim told cops he was sitting in a courtroom at the criminal court building at Schermerhorn Street and Boerum Place at around noon when he placed his wallet on a railing in preparation to hand his ID over to an officer. When he went to grab the ID, he realized his wallet, containing an assortment of IDs and credit cards, was missing.

You really have to be careful in the criminal court building. There are lots of criminals there.

Train trouble

At least three straphangers got screwed while riding the trains last week. Here’s a rundown:

• A guy swiped a woman’s wallet from her purse while she rode a Manhattan-bound 3 train on Oct. 4.

The victim told cops the train had pulled into the Borough Hall station at around 8 am when the thief reached into her bag and stole an assortment of IDs and credit cards. A witness alerted the woman to the fact that a guy had just rummaged through her bag, but by then it was too late.

• A foolhardy teenage thief stole two peoples’ cellphones on a Coney Island-bound F train on Oct. 5, but was busted by cops. The victims said that the train was pulling into the Bergen Street station at around 6:50 pm when the daring 16-year-old walked over to one woman and stole her iPhone. He then waltzed over to another woman and snatched her Blackberry right out of her hand, too. The cretin was promptly apprehended at street-level by Officer Sambath Ouk.

• A thief swiped a woman’s iPhone as she rode a Coney Island-bound Q train on Oct. 5. The victim told cops that the doors were closing at the DeKalb Avenue station at around 9:40 pm when the thief reached in and snatched the hip cell device.

Van invasion

A thief broke into a van parked on Hanover Place and stole $1,500 on Oct. 4.

The victim told cops he was making a delivery to a building at Livingston Street at around 3 pm. When he returned to his ride 15 minutes later, he discovered that the lock on one of its doors had been removed — and the cash was gone.

— Stephen Brown

76th Precinct

Carroll Gardens-Cobble Hill–Red Hook

Unfairer sex

Two women attacked and attempted to rob a lady on Warren Street on Oct. 5.

The 27-year-old victim told cops that she was near Clinton Street at around 9 pm when one of the women struck her with a blunt object. The despicable duo then tried to snatch her purse, but suddenly ran off. Cops surmised that something must have scared off the thugs.

It’s the second time in as many weeks that a pair of girl thugs have run rampant. Last week, however, that blotter item ended in an arrest.

Red scare

Two teens robbed a man on Coffey Street early on Oct. 4.

The 30-year-old victim said he was near Van Brunt Street at around 12:05 am when one of the teens grabbed his bag.

“Don’t say anything,” the young thug instructed. “Don’t move. Let go of the bag.” The victim complied, and the pernicious pair made off with a cellphone, debits cards, $41, glasses, keys, and $100 worth of medication.

Car disservice

Two men robbed a livery cab driver at gunpoint on Bond Street on Oct. 10.

The 42-year-old driver was dropping off the pair near Butler Street at around 12:20 am when a passenger flashed a silver hand gun and demanded money. The driver complied, handing over $250, and a Seiko watch.

Tool fool

Someone stole construction tools from a Union Street job site on Oct. 2.

The 36-year-old victim told cops he left the residential construction site between Hoyt and Bond streets at 4:30 pm and returned to find it devoid of $2,760 worth of tools on Oct. 4 at 8 am.

— Gary Buiso

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