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Irish ayes! If you want to celebrate St. Pats, you need this article

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Kiss us, we’ve gone Irish.

St. Patrick’s Day is almost upon us, and, in honor of the man who drove the snakes out of the Emerald Isle, restaurants and bars all over the borough are going green.

They’re also offering the best in Celtic culture, from traditional Irish food to romping music. And with our Gaelic guide to doing St. Patrick’s Day right, you won’t be just another amateur at a lousy bar on March 17.

Music

One of the most traditional Irish pubs this side of Galway hosts the Celtic-influenced hip-hop of Seanchai and the Unity Squad this March 17.

“It’s really fun and family-oriented here,” said Rocky Sullivan’s manager Rachel Fitzgerald. “It’s not too crazy, you can actually move and enjoy the music.”

The newly reopened Freddy’s Bar is also ready for the big night, as it hosts the Captures, the Telephones and the Highland Shatners for a mix of Irish, pop and rock music that even the bartenders can’t resist.

“I’m working the morning shift, but I’ll be rocking out at night to these great bands,” said bartender Ellen O’Shea.

If you’re in the mood to get your Aran sweater a little dirty, stop by the Bell House for the Gowanus venue’s “St. Patrick’s Day for Sinners,” an all-redhead edition of Wasabascco Burlesque with a musical performance by Alex Battles and the Whisky Rebellion.

Jalopy Theater is also sticking with a wicked theme as it hosts “Debauchery Series: Episode 1,” with The Whistling Wolves performing songs about boozing and bruising.

“We’re going to have an amazing time,” said manager Dorina Savela. “There’s going to be so many different people having fun and drinking green beer.”

Rocky Sullivan’s [34 Van Dyke St. between Dwight and Otsego streets in Red Hook, (718) 246-8050], open at 11 am on March 17; Freddy’s Bar [627 Fifth Ave. between 17th and 18th streets in Park Slope, (718) 768-0131], open at 11 am on March 17; “Saint Patrick’s Day for Sinners” at the Bell House [149 Seventh St. between Second and Third avenues in Gowanus, (718) 643-6510], March 17 at 7:30 pm. Tickets $10; “Debauchery Series: Episode 1” at the Jalopy Theater [315 Columbia St. at Woodhull Street in Columbia Street Waterfront District, (718) 395-3214], March 17 at 9 pm. Tickets $10.

Food

Who has time to cook shepherd’s pie, and what, exactly, is corned beef? Lucky for you, some of Brooklyn’s finest have prepared special feasts just for St. Patrick’s Day, so you don’t have to.

Make your reservations now for Eamonn’s in Brooklyn Heights, which will be serving smoked salmon on homemade brown bread, Irish pork sausage over creamed mashed potatoes and Baileys cheesecake.

“We’re expecting a lot of people,” said hostess Lisa Gotic. “It’s the busiest day of the year.”

Over in Williamsburg, Spike Hill is celebrating St. Patrick’s Day with 17 hours of non-stop food. The bar will serve Irish specials including corned beef, fish and chips and shepherd’s pie. You’ll also get to enjoy the bar’s famed Irish breakfast which includes blood sausage and rashers.

For some traditional atmosphere with your traditional grub, head to Ceol, which will make you feel as if you’ve just stepped foot in a Dublin pub. The Cobble Hill restaurant has put together a true Irish feast for St. Patty’s Day. That means Guinness Irish beef stew, bangers and mash, and Guinness chocolate cake. There’s even a vegetarian shepherd’s pie for picky eaters.

If free is your speed, head over to Cobble Hill’s Brazen Head at 5 pm on St. Patrick’s Day to take advantage of the bar’s free corned beef and coleslaw on rye bread, available until it runs out. You can also cough up and enjoy the bar’s $5 pint of Guinness and Irish whiskey shots.

“It’s a neighborhood bar with really good beer,” said manager Lou Sones. “It’s very crowded but fun crowded, not young amateurs.”

Eamonn’s [174 Montague St. near Clinton Street in Brooklyn Heights, (718) 596-4969], open 11 am-4 am on March 17. Reservations recommended for groups larger than four; Spike Hill [184 Bedford Ave. at N. Seventh Street in Williamsburg, (718) 218-9739], open at 11 am on March 17; Ceol [191 Smith St. between Baltic and Bergen streets in Cobble Hill, (347) 643-9911], menu available from 1 pm to 2 am on March 17; Brazen Head [228 Atlantic Ave. between Court Street and Boerum Place in Cobble Hill, (718) 488-0430], open at 11 am on March 17.

Parades

Some of the best celebrations don’t even happen on St. Patrick’s Day. Here’s the lowdown on parades happening throughout Brooklyn:

• Park Slope Parade [starting at 15th Street and Prospect Park West, (718) 832-8227], March 20 at 1 pm. There will be an after party at Holy Name Hall with dinner and music.

• Bay Ridge Parade (starting at Fourth and Marine avenues in Bay Ridge, no phone), March 27 at noon.

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