Today’s news:

Hulk hits grocery

Grocery raid

A hulking thief broke into a Cortelyou Road deli on March 1, taking $750.

Workers at the store, which is near E. 17th Street, said that the thief cut a hole in the roll down security gate and lifted the inside door off its hinges during the break-in, which took place sometime before 6 am.

Ganging up

A crew of young lady looters held up a classmate inside Erasmus High School on Flatbush Avenue on March 4, taking her bag.

The young woman told police that her classmates came to her at 12:15 pm claiming that the dean of students wanted to see her.

The suspects escorted their victim to a building stairwell, where another teen in a bandanna was waiting for them.

The thief in the bandanna threatened the victim until she gave up her bag.

Cops nabbed the bandanna-sporting thief a short time later, charging her with robbery.

Machetes and rent money

A 44-year-old Dorchester Road man was arrested on March 7 after he threatened his landlord with a machete.

The landlord was arguing with her tenant, who lives between E. 16th and E. 17th streets, at 1:11 pm when the suspect grabbed the machete.

“I’m going to chop you in two pieces,” the man claimed as he waved the machete in the air.

A pain in the glass

A witness to a Utica Avenue throw down ended up landing in custody on March 5 when he lobbed a glass bottle at a cop trying to break up the fight.

Police were between Foster Avenue and Farragut Road at 4 am when a fight broke out between a man they were trying to take into custody and a group of other males.

A cop tried to break the fight up, but ended up getting hit in the leg with a bottle hurled by the 27-year-old witness, who was later charged with assault.

Popped by pop

A 25-year-old man was arrested on March 7 after he struck another man in the face with a can of soda on Church Avenue.

The two men were arguing near E. 96th Street at 2:40 pm when the suspect lashed out with his 12-ounce punch, leaving the victim with a smattering of bruises.

E. 57 beat down

Two men were taken into custody on March 1 after they were embroiled in a brutal death struggle inside an E. 57th Street apartment.

Witnesses told police that the two men were arguing inside the apartment, which is between Foster Avenue and Farragut Road, at 12:50 pm when one of them shattered a television, a computer monitor and a mirror. The man then lunged at his opponent with a kitchen knife, injuring the man’s foot in the ensuing struggle.

In turn, the man with the injured foot picked up a baseball bat, striking the man with the knife in the head with it.

Cops were called to the apartment, where they arrested both men.

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