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Turkey chow mein never tasted so good

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Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you take the bird out of the freezer several days before the holiday so it has time to defrost. And be sure to note that I said several “days,” not “hours.”

Not that it is too much of a problem if you don’t.

When Uncle Morris, Aunt Sarah and all the cousins come to visit and comment that they don’t smell the usual fragrances of roast turkey and stuffing, you can stand up to make the following announcement.

“Dear family. After so many years of serving the same thing over and over again, our family has decided to do something different: This year we will be celebrating the world on holidays, and this Thanksgiving, we’re having Chinese take-out. Later on, we’ll take a vote on what foreign nation we will serve on Hanukkah.”

Over the years I have dined on many turkeys. Some were wonderful, succulent, tasty, delicious — really yummy. Others were dried out, over cooked, unappetizing and so bland that I filled my belly with less bird and more sides. But I don’t think I have ever dined on bad Chinese food. Some were better than others. Some were finger-licking good. And some were super-sensational. But chow mein is chow mein. So how about turkey chow mein, turkey in lobster sauce and turkey egg drop soup in front of the tube watching a football game? How bad can that be?

Trust me on this. You’ll get away with it. Next year you’ll remember to defrost — or you can defrost it on Dec. 20 and serve it with latkes at Hanukkah.

However, if you were one of the people who remembered to take out the frozen turkey and defrosted it in plenty of time, I have two predictions. 1) Your bird will be full of flavor, delicious, the best you have ever served; and 2) There will be a political fight at your table before the turkey is served. Please e-mail me and let me know when I am right.

• • •

I have much to be thankful for in spite of these troubling times. I am thankful for my wonderful wife and my marvelous family, especially my grandchildren. Did I ever tell you about my grandchildren? Got an hour?

I am thankful that I reside in the United States, the greatest nation on the planet. I am thankful for you, my readers. Without you I’m not here. I am thankful that so many of you who used to write letters to me that called me names, were nasty, sarcastic, and took the low road, have since turned over a new leaf.

President Reagan said that it is OK to disagree without being disagreeable. Even though we still disagree, I am thankful that MOST of you are no longer disagreeable. I love receiving those polite letters with your change of tone.

My Thanksgiving wishes for all of us are for health, happiness, wealth and time to spend it. My prayers are for a safe, speedy and successful return of our men and women in uniform all over the planet. I am thankful for their service and for keeping us free. I am wishing you all a very happy and safe Thanksgiving.

Stan Gershbein column appears every Monday on

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Reader Feedback

Neil S. Friedman from Sheepshead Bay says:
For the latter pleasant portion of your column I rate you four turkeys. So glad to see write at least one weekly column without opining your Foxified opinions.
However, the first portion was just for the birds and warrants half a turkey. The only political discussion my friends and I had was over your previous columns. And there was little arguing, just consensus that it's time you join your readers and turn over a new leaf, too.
Nov. 25, 2011, 8:01 pm
JOAN from BROOKLYN says:
A great idea,

Think this is a really great idea! When filling out your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to this address: A Recovering American Soldier, c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center , 6900 Georgia Avenue, NW Washington , DC 20307-5001 . If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of how many cards these wonderful, special people, who have sacrificed so much would get.
Nov. 26, 2011, 12:24 pm
JApplepie from OMBasin says:
Enjoyed your Thanksgiving column, as usual. I second your wishes: health and happiness to all. I pray daily that our troops return safely and speedily--and hope they are all sent to our southern border to keep illegal immigrants out of our country.
As an aside, I saw this on a bumper sticker:
Nov. 27, 2011, 1:05 pm
JApplepie from Old Mill Basin says:
I wholeheartedly agree with your wishes for all to have good health, wealth, and happiness...except tyrants. And I second your prayers for all our troops to return to USA safely and speedily--so they can then be sent to secure our borders.

As an aside, I saw the following on a car's bumper sticker: OBAMA IS AN OBSCURITY.
Nov. 27, 2011, 1:19 pm

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