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Grimm times for ‘Mikey Suits’

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It is a thrill to watch puffed-up politicians, who see themselves as being somewhere between a god and a godsend, slip on the peel of propriety and show their true colors, leaving the rest of us smug in the knowledge that we were right about them all along — they are jerks.

Former Marine and FBI agent Rep. Michael Grimm (R–Bay Ridge) is the latest pol to morph from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde when a reporter asked about his House Ethics Committee investigation. The lawmaker went ape faster than you can say, “Mikey Suits” — a name Grimm picked up during his flatfoot days.

He questioned the ink slinger’s masculinity, threatened to hurl him “off this f------ balcony,” and warned that he would “break you in half. Like a boy.” Sheesh. You’d think Grimm was asked if he was a card-carrying member of the North American Man-Boy Love Association.

This was America at last check, with a free press and no exemptions for volcanic public officials living high on the hog on the taxpayer’s dime.

Grimm — an f-bomb expert, whose previous public tantrums are alleged to include “He don’t [sic] know who he’s f------ with,” “I’ll f------ make him disappear where nobody will find him,” and “I’m gonna f------ kill him” — eventually apologized to the reporter, but only after his tantrum made headlines from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli.

Flipping lids, it appears, is a bipartisan act: back in 2006, then-state senator Carl Kruger had yet to be locked up for pocketing bribes, and then-congressman Anthony Weiner’s member had yet to climax across newspaper headlines, but both Democrats let the fur fly like fisherwives at a meeting about a Grand Prix-style race that Paul Newman wanted to bring to Brooklyn. The actor begged off the deal after learning of their antics, leaving Carl and Tony to duke it out in public: “Do you have a f------ problem with me?” (Weiner), “I’m going to give you a bad hair day” (Kruger), “P----” (Weiner).

Carl and Tony are toast. And Mikey Suits’ might be — after his favorite word — f-----. But verbal diarrhea never stopped former councilman James Oddo’s Teflon touch. The Rock’s new beep blew a gasket in 2007, after a Norwegian pretending to be a newswoman quizzed him about Barack Obama’s Afro background and Hillary Clinton’s affinity for cigars. Oddo, who wanted to ban aluminum baseball bats in schools at the time, blasted the interlopers with 16 f-bombs before demanding, “Get the f--- out of my office before I beat the s--- out of you!

Our lovable blowhards, though, cannot hold a candle to the pugnacious Russians. In 2003, state lawmakers legislating a ban on cursing and using slang started a brawl in the Duma, leaving the anguished house speaker beseeching to one portly warrior: “Vasily Ivanovich, Vasily Ivanovich, you’ll squash him, don’t touch him!

Mikey Suits, by comparison, was being practically cordial.

https://twitter.com/#!/BritShavana

Read Shavana Abruzzo's column every Friday on BrooklynDaily.com. E-mail here at sabruzzo@cnglocal.com.
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