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Stan Gershbein learned about Festivus by watching Seinfeld

Stan reminds us about Festivus!

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Chanukah is behind us. Christmas and Kwanza are on the way. STOP! There’s one more special day of the season you forgot about. Festivus!

Yes. It’s a Festivus for the rest of us. On Sunday, Dec. 23rd, there are families and friends who will really observe this very special day. I won’t bore you with the rules and particulars of the annual event. You already know them. I am certain that every one of you has seen the “Seinfeld” rerun and are well aware of George Costanza and his Human Fund.

But here are a few bits of information that you may not know.

Three years ago, songs were written to be sung when observing the day. Please note — I said “observing” the day. Not “celebrating.” If you are familiar with the rules, you will understand why.

My favorites Festivus carols are “I’m Dreaming of a Happy Festivus” and “The Twelve Days of Festivus.” The lyrics of the last verse on that one are – “On the 12th day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me, 12 years on strike;11 Human Fund donations; 10 bucks on Captain Nemo; nine day-old bagels; eight blows rained; seven face changes; six shvitz hours; five grievances aired; four unexpected newcomers; three fake phone numbers; two Festivus miracles; and a pole that’s tinsel-free!”

There are a few more for your group to sing at your next Festivus gathering. Go to

There is also a company, R & B Wagner, that manufactures Festivus poles. I communicated with a principle of the company, Tony Leto, and he was kind enough to respond promptly.

“While there are those who do buy and gift Festivus poles as a gag gift (especially for their friends who are “Seinfeld” fans), there are a great many who buy them for their own use and put them up either at home or in their office. Most people do enjoy it, as it makes them laugh.”

He went on to inform me that his company is a manufacturer and supplier of handrail systems and components. As such, he has a supply of aluminum pipe in his warehouse, but manufacturing Festivus poles is far from his primary business. His company has a lot of fun every December as they have produced and sold about 6,000 Festivus poles of various sizes which translates to about 15 tons of aluminum.

Are any of you interested in buying one? E-mail him at and please send him my best regards. He really is a very nice man.

Now here’s something I really didn’t know. There are Festivus greeting cards available. You may choose the printed kind that is sent via snail mail or the no-charge e-mail cards. Have fun.

• • •

Tempus Fugit: It was 24 years ago this week that I sat down at an old typewriter and created my first column for this newspaper. On that very same day, my colleague and great friend, Shavana Abruzzo, became employed here. Many others have come and gone but in spite of some of you who strongly disagree with our commentaries, we’re still here. We must be doing something right. I am raising my glass high to wish my dear friend a Happy Anniversary. Here’s to you, Shavana.

I am, wishing the rest of you a Fantastic Festivus Festival Filled with Fabulous Fun.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on

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Reader Feedback

Tony Leto says:
Correction: my e-mail address is but you can go to or like us on facebook at
Dec. 17, 2012, 10:45 am
JApplepie from OldMillBasin says:
You wrote that it was 24 years ago this week that you sat down at an old typewriter... Mr. Gershbein, what is a typewriter?
Dec. 18, 2012, 12:04 pm
Stan Gershbein from Courieer-Life says:
A typewriter is a mechanical or electromechanical device with keys that, when pressed, cause characters to be printed on a medium, usually paper. Typically one character is printed for keypress, and the machine prints the characters by making ink impressions of type elements similar to the sorts used in movable type letterpress printing.
Dec. 18, 2012, 3:29 pm

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