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Stan once again cleans out his pockets

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It is spring again, birds on the wing again, time to clean again — and before sending off the clothes to the cleaners I must remember to empty the pockets. The following was written on the scraps of paper and backs of envelopes I found in those pockets.

I promise to be loyal to the first well-known better steakhouse that distributes dental floss instead of toothpicks. No explanation needed.

According to the United States Parachute Association, 19 skydivers were killed in jumps across the U.S. last year. Experts say that it is very rare for two jumpers to die in the same accident. It happened last week. Skydiving is one sport that I could never understand. Why would anyone want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane if he didn’t have to?

If computers were supposed to make this a paperless society, why am I now buying reams of the stuff by the case?

Interesting how this lousy economy affects everyone including my teenage granddaughter whose income has been reduced drastically. Neighbors who called her to babysit every Saturday night now call her only once every four or five weeks while they take out flicks from Redbox.

Here’s something else that has put some people out of work — wheels on suitcases. Where there once were 35 or 40 porters waiting for us at the luggage carousel, there are now less than a dozen.

I love looking at the incomes on the dead celebrities list. Would you believe that the estate of Elvis Presley earned more than $50 million last year? I guess being dead hasn’t hurt his career.

Are you looking for a Post Office? Take a long hard look down the road and see if you can find a building with an American flag flying from the roof. When you do, it’s either a post office or a car dealer. I couldn’t help but chuckle when we noticed that the biggest American flags fly from the roofs of dealers who sell Japanese cars.

In the midst of this gun-control debate, you might want to know that even the great ones lose it sometimes. Wild Bill Hickok lost his job as marshal of Abilene shortly after he accidently shot and killed his deputy. We learned that during a recent stay in Kansas. We visited the Eisenhower library while there and on the way out we were encouraged to stop in across the street to the Greyhound Museum.

“Not interested.” I said. “Why would I want to see a pile of old busses?”

“It’s free. No charge. What have you got to lose?”

I was convinced. We stopped by and as I opened the front door we were greeted by Sweetie Pie, a gentle, sleek, retired racing Greyhound who nudged us in the right direction. Busses, no. Beautiful animals, yes.

Leading on the list of the most commonly used internet passwords are “password” and “123456.” And you thought you were being original.

Read the labels and carefully note the preservatives, coloring, and other ingredients in hot dogs, bread, mustard, and diet sodas. I am convinced that along with food, we are consuming a chemistry set.

More from the backs of envelopes next week.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on

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Reader Feedback

Carol from Canarsie says:
Dear Stan,
Every so often you tell your readers to use a particular portion of your column during a party as a stimulant when the conversation slows down to a boring whisper. I love columns such as this one that has many different topics. We print a few copies and bring them to the parties to stimulate discussions. Sometimes those discussions become violent arguments. That's when we apreciate your opinions most even if we do not agree with you. I will now print several copies of the above for this Saturday night. Please keep them coming.
Thank you very much.
April 9, 2013, 9:21 am
stan from COURIER LIFE says:
Thank you very much. Look for another "Scraps" like this one next week and a list of "Stimulating Questions" in about three weeks.
April 11, 2013, 10:40 pm

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