Stan aims for the headlines

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These are just some of the headlines of stories today on the Internet: “Democrats Pass Gun Confiscation Bill” and “Fascist Hillary Clinton’s 6-Step Plan To Disarming America.”

I’m not going to waste your time explaining what those stories are about. I’m certain that every one of you who listens to the radio or watches television already knows. What you don’t know is that Hillary, with all of her anti-gun rhetoric, is now the second-largest gun salesperson in America.

Who’s first? Our president, of course. Every single time a speech is made where gun owners appear to be threatened, more and more Americans go out and buy a weapon, or two, or more.

And who are these Americans? Your friends, neighbors and relatives from all walks of life. I was taken to a gun show some time ago, and I was surprised to see sexy, young women checking out the small, lightweight, easy-to-conceal handguns.

The guys at the counters told us to look in every direction and we would see more and more adult females there with the intention of protecting themselves.

We are aware of and we talk about the various groups of Americans out there setting gun-purchasing records, but there is one group that, until now, nobody seemed to be aware of: seniors.

Everybody knows that older folks are the easiest targets for criminal activities. We are, for the first time, noticing how many senior citizens are showing up at their local gun sellers for the purpose of arming themselves. I was at a firearms safety course last year, and I could not help but notice that more than half the room was filled with us more mature folks. There has been a 400-percent jump in older folks taking the basic firearms course in the past five years, according to the National Rifle Association.

This is a warning to you bad guys out there: Watch out for that older couple. For the purpose of protecting each other, they both may be packing heat.

• • •

Great new bumper sticker: “If you do not like my American flag, I’ll help you pack.”

• • •

I wish the advertisements for cruises were the same as they are for airlines. The law says that the ads for an airline ticket must list the total price, including the various taxes. Not for cruises. The sailing I looked at this morning advertised a price of about $550 for six days. Add the federal tax plus the port taxes and the price now is over $650. That comes to an extra $200 a couple that you will not know about until you book it. Hey, Washington. Make some changes for us.

• • •

Our New York Times — the paper that prints all the news that fits — said, “It’s Donald Trump’s party now. Republicans will all but certainly nominate Mr. Trump, who would be the most volatile and least prepared presidential candidate nominated by a major party in modern … yada, yada, yada.” The article went on to call him a demagogue offering nothing but xenophobia and isolationism — and a few more choice not-so-nice names.

From the Washington Post: anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, ignorant, racist, diverging, repugnant, intolerant, egomaniac.

And from various radio and TV commentaries: epic unfavorable, controversial, ill-informed, unpredictable, highly polarizing, titular rapscallion, erratic, narcissist, pathological liar, serial philanderer, and more, and more.

I am telling you that I could go on and on, and I could fill several columns just with offensive name-calling, but there is one tag that, although not offensive, everyone seems to have omitted. That designation? President!

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on

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Reader feedback

Bernie Zuckerman from Brooklyn says:
I met a pistol-packing grandma at the range last week. She was faster and more accurate than any man there. I would never ever mess with the silver haired gun-woman.
May 23, 2016, 10:10 am
Davy Shapiro from Sheepshead Bay says:
THE NEW YORK TIMES -- prints all the news that fits.... Mr. Gershbein- that is one great line. If I ever go into comedy I want you to be my writer. Keep it up. We enjoy your writing.
The Shapiro Family
May 24, 2016, 12:04 pm
Ed Stein from BB says:
I don't know why you are whining about deceptive advertising for cruise lines.

Stan - a real capitalist understands that you
never give a sucker an even break. Actually - you never give anyone an even break.

They earn more money with deception, Stan!

If you can't read the small print and figure out the price then you deserve to be conned. I mean, really Stan! Get with the program already!! You want fair?!?! Move to Denmark!

What are you - a Sanders supporting, commi pinko s*o*c*i*a*l*i*s*t ?!
May 29, 2016, 12:25 pm

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