Strap in for ‘Sharknado 5’

Brooklyn Daily
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Oh double hell no! “Sharknado 5: Global Swarming” is blowing into your living room on Aug. 6.

That’s right kiddos, the franchise that keeps on giving is back, and I can hardly keep my toes out of the ocean. I’ve got the popcorn ready, my chainsaw sharpened, and Digital Video Recorder (DVR) device set and ready to tape. I’ve boned up on all four of the Sharknado films and I’m ready to rumble. Yes that’s right I’ve got the entire collection in my Video Cassette Recorder cabinet (VCR for all the rest of you old-timers out there).

So, are you ready?

Just when you thought it was safe to go out in a tornado the sharks are about to fly, and fly big time. Globally that is. The trailer promises epic battles, new weapons, and of course that daring duo that Megalodon sharks everywhere fear — April and Fin Shepard — along with some new kick-ass Shark-fighting crusaders.

Another shark on the barbie?

Nothing spells summer like a yuck fest of a whippin’ and a whompin’ and a stompin’ of those pesky instable killing machines (sharks that is, franchise tea, Hollywood gold).

Will Fin and April travel back in time to save us? Will Fin go back far enough — to the Big Bang itself, the original “Sharnado” — to destroy these Fin-chomping pescaterians that swarm through the sky with the greatest of ease — thanks to CGI (computer generated imagery) ?

No one knows for sure. Hey, Hollywood doesn’t kill a franchise like this if it can help it.

If the past four incarnations are anything to judge by, April and Fin will be ready to meet the challenge, and I’m sure their littlest Kung-fu shark-fighting son, Gil Jr., who was just a tot in “Sharknado 4: The Fourth Awakens” will be older, badder, and just as kick-ass as the rest of the Shepard clan.

Let’s see if “Global Swarming” can answer all those nagging questions left hanging in the “Fourth Awakens.”

• Will we see Matt’s wife again? Gabrielle bit the big one in four, but will April’s dad the mad scientist, (Gary Busey) bring her back with a set of bionic shark tools?

• Will Aston Reynolds, last seen losing it all in his flying suit, be found safe and sound inventing a new Shark repelling machine in his secret laboratory?

• And what of Gil, Sr., has he retired from space travel and shilling for Reynolds?

Lastly the biggest question I have:

• Will Steve Guttenberg (“2 Lava 2 Lantula”) be making any guest appearances?

Not for Nuthin,™ But if the sharks are flying, can super-bad Arachnids be far behind? (“3 Lava 3 Lantula” anyone?) Why does it always have to be sharks?

Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.

Joanna DelBuono writes about national issues every Wednesday on E-mail her at
Updated 1:34 am, July 10, 2018
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